she says she's thought about it. but i dont know why she would give up on all we had, all we will have. we've been on this road for a long time, it just needed a little more.

Day 6

its not painful. just a slow emptiness that is devouring me inside. i cant think, cant eat, cant sleep. if only there was a switch i could use to turn off my emotions.

tick tock tick tock

its unbearable sometimes.

all the things we said, all the things we promised... running through my head, bringing tears to my face.

riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip.

drip drip.

drip.

thud.

please dont be bipolar...these mood swings cant be healthy!

whatever will be, will be. the future is not ours to see.

goooo awaaaay abandonment issues... i dont need you right now, or ever.

Day 5

I could hear it breaking.

The sound of sky cracking the earth splitting.

The sound of cloth tearing.

The sound of a bridge under stress finally giving in, crying as it sinks into the river below until all that are left are littered bodies.

It's the sound of gushing blood as your body fall to the ground with a thud, you feel death's embrace and welcome it.

The sound of crying your heart out but no more tears will come.

all by myself

Require a pill of selective forgetness

Anger hatred depression sadness ... self pity? Go to hell

If i had words to make a day for you, i'd sing you a morning golden and new. i would make this day last for all times, give you a night deep in moon shine.

Searching for the missing piece.

Disbelief

day 4

Pieces

Cant cry very well, must be out of practice.

feeling slightly better, guess i'll check out what life has to offer tonight

One of the most agonizing xmas nights i've had. i had fun in the day, out with friends and enjoying life. but now it's night, and i am alone. the pain and emptiness haunts me. while i refuse to cry i dont know how long i can hold on.
i lay here in darkness with a void in my chest, waiting impatiently for morning to come. please dont take too long

Dubai is really something... built in the middle of a desert and simply beautiful.

day 3

do i miss my loved ones or the ones that loved me? i wonder. merry xmas to all, one day i will forget

Day 2

Every man has a place, in his heart there’s a space

All your dreams will come true, right away

And we will live together, until the twelfth of never

Day 1

One step at a time, let your sorrows go.

"I saw death in the mirror. He smiled and said there's no hurry, he told me to take my time." Quote from somewhere that I don't remember anymore.

when the night has come
and the land is dark
and the moon, is the only light we'll see

no i wont, be afraid
oh i wont, be afraid
just as long, as you stand
stand by me

so darling darling stand, by me
oh stand, by me
oh stand, stand by me, stand by me

if the sky that we look upon
should tumble and fall
or the mountain, should crumble to the sea

i wont cry, i wont cry
no i wont shed a tear
just as long, as you stand
stand by me

but you wont.

(great song tho)

< X 3

to live is to suffer.

to suffer is to struggle.

to struggle is living.

Mmmm...

Woke up, feeling depressed.

There was a dream but I can't quite remember. There was the ones I love and the ones I don't, somehow I was so far away from them all.

Haven't felt this lonely in years, it's like the one that broke your heart for the first time.... you dread the reunion, yet it feels oh so familiar.

I tried, I worked for it and I made sacrifices. But the void in my chest seems to be still there.

I thought I could mend it with love and passion, it did but it did not die. Now it reaches from its grave and cuts into my mind once again.

I thought I could ease it with fun and games, it did but it would not leave. And now the time for fun and games are over, it's here again.

I believed that I found the one thing to cure it but the harder I grasp it, the more insignificant I became. Worthless, incompetent and failure are not words I would describe my proud self, but they shadow me from not too far a distance and sneer, bidding their time. They won't get their chance, I would sooner set my world on fire.

Everything has their reason and what needs to be done is clear, I just wish I could fill this... emptiness. Perhaps my emotions are overreacting, they seem to be very good at that. I hope so.

It's like I'm the six year old boy again, understanding concepts that are too grand for his tiny world. He doesn't cry and doesn't want to be weak, but he bleeds a little inside.

Maybe the blood will eventually clog up the void.

Cough cough...

i ish sick...

theres this horrible virus going around the uni, if you're still un-infected wear a mask to class

(in case its the one that turns you into a zombie)

unfortunatelly it probably isnt. no zombie apocalypse for our generation most likely.

oh well, could always watch some movies.

staying warm

what is the meaning of life?

    _     _
                  _
                  /_/_      .'''.
               =O(_)))) ...'     `.
                  \_\              `.    .'''B'zzzzzzzzzzz
                                     `..'
              
                           /|      __ 
                          / |   ,-~ / 
                         Y :|  //  /   
                         | jj /( .^ 
                         >-"~"-v" 
                        /       Y   
                       jo  o    | 
                      ( ~T~     j  
                       >._-' _./  
                      /   "~"  |   
                     Y     _,  |     
                    /| ;-"~ _  l   
                   / l/ ,-"~    \ 
                   \//\/      .- \ 
                    Y        /    Y* 
                    l       I     !
                    ]\      _\    /"\
                   (" ~----( ~   Y.  )  
           ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
                 ->Jackson Bunny<-

SooooooooOoooOooo....

stuff... insert stuff here... < >

this space needs to be filled

Pudding

wow, so this is somewhat like how it feels to be tortured. cant believe people can put up with this. times ten.

sooooo... im on the road again...

would be nice if i could stop moving around so much some time, you know, settle down in a spot for a while and enjoy the time there.

yawn, so very tired. traveling is exhaustive business.

hope you guys are having a better time ;]

what to do.

what to do.

what to do.

what to do.

what to do.

what to do.

what to do.

what to do.

what to do.

what to do.

what to do.

staggering on my feet, i wipe my face with blood stained hands.

struggling to survive, i witness my comrades fall. taking gut wounds, writhing on the ground for hours screaming in agony before ceasing their breath.

forgive me friends, i must go on. to my purpose, destination, my master, my dreams and ambition.

i cry out when the thorns pierce into my arms, shed my tears in pain. battered, bruised and wounded, i keep crawling

it challenges me, it threatens. dangerous and dark, it is all but beckoning.

yet my stupidity and ego drives me on.

i fight my losing battles, for I shall not be victorious.

Deja... vu

so it hits me, while im staring out of the window, watching the clouds in the distance making their advance over this little town.

i've been here, sitting and watching with this exact mindset, some time, somewhere before.

feels almost serene.

or maybe thats what frou frou does to you.

mmmm... this is familiar.

global warming.... T_T

wwaaaaaahhh... its like 12 degrees C here... cant believe only a few days ago this place was all frozen over.

gone ish the snow! just like the first month of my trip. . . went o so swiftly

hail to mom and her cooking, now it seems home was sweet after all.

obama is pretty cool, nice speeches.

hmm, meng will survive... i think.

kind of like this jazz station, try it out if you have time.

http://player.play.it/player/aolPlayer.html?v=4.3.10&ur=1&us=1&id=

sigh, back to work i go.

p.s be safe!

Skittles

Unfortunately to those looking for candy, this has nothing to do with skittles.

In the States, cold and alone and... sometimes hungry.

I love the snow, never been anywhere that snowed this beautifully... I stand and watch the snow fall as the minutes tick by, even when I'm trembling from the cold but still reluctant to move.

Purdue is huge... need to take a bus just to get to town. people are very nice here, just like back home.

still, can't help but feel a bit lonely - dont take me wrong, did make friends. a bit homesick i say.

mmm... heres praying for the next five months.

p.s im due a pleasant surprise in three... ;]

Insomnia my friend...

I'm seeing dead pixels in the sky, hearing things I've never said yearning and for things not so far away.

All the time wondering, why am I still awake.

. . . bit hungry tho.

-

There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.
-Friedrich Nietzsche

Interesting times indeed.

I actually made a promise ;o

Goes something like this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-5ACpAOoPs&feature=related

/wish self luck