Wednesday, March 30, 2011

to live is to suffer.

to suffer is to struggle.

to struggle is living.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Mmmm...

Woke up, feeling depressed.

There was a dream but I can't quite remember. There was the ones I love and the ones I don't, somehow I was so far away from them all.

Haven't felt this lonely in years, it's like the one that broke your heart for the first time.... you dread the reunion, yet it feels oh so familiar.

I tried, I worked for it and I made sacrifices. But the void in my chest seems to be still there.

I thought I could mend it with love and passion, it did but it did not die. Now it reaches from its grave and cuts into my mind once again.

I thought I could ease it with fun and games, it did but it would not leave. And now the time for fun and games are over, it's here again.

I believed that I found the one thing to cure it but the harder I grasp it, the more insignificant I became. Worthless, incompetent and failure are not words I would describe my proud self, but they shadow me from not too far a distance and sneer, bidding their time. They won't get their chance, I would sooner set my world on fire.

Everything has their reason and what needs to be done is clear, I just wish I could fill this... emptiness. Perhaps my emotions are overreacting, they seem to be very good at that. I hope so.

It's like I'm the six year old boy again, understanding concepts that are too grand for his tiny world. He doesn't cry and doesn't want to be weak, but he bleeds a little inside.

Maybe the blood will eventually clog up the void.